just tell him i said nine months
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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