you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
