Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
