guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
