I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Boobs are out for the taking
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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