a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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