He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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