I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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