Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
