I puked a lego.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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