somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
