It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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