why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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