I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃ðŸ»ðŸŽ‰
We are so blessed
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
