After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
