90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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