please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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