i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
