I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
