ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
