so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
