If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
