end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
