Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
