I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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