wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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