Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
