Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
