What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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