Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
