please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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