the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
