i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
