sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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