WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
