You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He shit in the fireplace
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