I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
