thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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