Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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