I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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