I smell stomach acid.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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