Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
