In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
