Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
