i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
