My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
