I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
