The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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