I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I smell like Dick and happiness
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