That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Acid is not a monday night drug
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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