I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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